and in the quiet, she exhaled
by Mrs. Elizabeth Gibbs
Summary: "Want you closer," he whispered, voice hoarse with the forced sleep of the drugs she'd shoved down his throat earlier, and she swallowed, pressing her front against his back, burying her face in his shoulder. She inhaled shakily, letting herself briefly remember the moments when she hadn't known if she'd ever have this again. CJ/Josh, post-Shadow of Two Gunmen. One-shot; rated M.


A/N: I blame my friend Katie for this ship and all the feelings it's caused me. This story goes along with the headcanon that CJ and Josh were in a relationship prior to In The Shadow of Two Gunmen; takes place once Josh gets out of the hospital.

Disclaimer: I own not a thing.

* * *

"You need to stay in bed and shut up."

CJ Cregg was not taking any of her idiot boyfriend's nonsense. Josh Lyman was recovering from a gunshot wound, and she knew his workaholic tendencies weren't going to be put to rest just because he had been hit with some molten metal.

"CJ-"

"I said, you need to stay in bed and shut up," CJ repeated, a hand on her hip as she waited, tapping her foot patiently as she leaned back against the doorway, seeing him move towards his bed, sitting down gingerly, knowing the stiches were probably pulling. She winced sympathetically, moving from her position to help him stretch out on the bed, adjusting the pillow behind his head. She pressed her lips to his temple, frowning slightly at how hot he felt. "I'm going to get you something to drink; any requests?"

"I just want you to lay with me for a little while," he said tiredly, and CJ softened, brushing a thumb over his jaw lightly.

"I'll be back after I get you something to drink," she replied quietly, easing off the bed gingerly and heading to the kitchen, grabbing one of the bottles of Gatorade and dumping it into a glass, popping in a few ice cubes and a straw as well before returning to the bedroom. Josh had settled on his side and burrowed his face into his pillow, dressed in a t-shirt and his boxers, the covers settled just below his hip. CJ stripped off her jeans and unbuttoned her shirt, getting in on the other side of the bed after leaving his drink on the bedside table, curling up gently behind him, leaning over to kiss his cheek.

He murmured sleepily, reaching back and finding her hand, tugging it over his body, encouraging her to press against his back. She did so hesitantly, not wanting to cause him pain.

"Want you closer," he whispered, voice hoarse with the forced sleep of the drugs she'd shoved down his throat earlier, and she swallowed, pressing her front against his back, burying her face in his shoulder. She inhaled shakily, letting herself briefly remember the moments when she hadn't known if she'd ever have this again. Pain filled some place between her heart and her lungs, and she exhaled unevenly, working hard to keep the sobs at bay, at least while she was lying with him. He was here and he was whole and that was all that mattered.

She didn't remember falling asleep; she'd been counting his breaths, letting them imprint in her memory; she wanted to memorize the way he breathed and the way he smelled and the way he felt against her because she'd realized how close she could come to losing him at any moment. It made this real; it made it real and right and vivid in her eyes.

She woke up when he sat up slowly, coughing as he shifted, grabbing the drink she'd left on the bedside table and taking a few sips, hearing him shift against and wince.

But he was there. Her sleepy eyes blinked open slowly and there he was, back turned to her, breathing gently. She could look at him all day, drink him in, every inch of his body. The aftermath of the shooting left her more shaken than she ever could have imagined, and she sent her thanks to whoever was out there who kept Josh Lyman here with her for another day.

"How do you feel?" she asked, sitting up further and running a hand through her hair, stifling a yawn as she stretched. He turned slowly, leaning his back against the headboard and reaching with one hand for hers, entwining their fingers and bringing their joined hands into his lap, his thumb stroking over the bone of her wrist.

"I'll be okay; I'm scrappy," Josh answered, and CJ's lips compressed, not as amused as he seemed to be from his goofy grin. "CJ, I got shot. I'm getting better."

"Josh, this isn't something to joke about!" CJ said, trying to tug her hand from his but he held tighter, unwilling to let her break the connection.

"Please, CJ- just let me touch you for a little while," he begged, and the pleading in his eyes stole her breath; she swallowed, heart faltering a bit in her chest as she took in how much smaller he seemed. It gave her pause, and she nodded once, letting her fingers lace back together with his. "I'm not trying to make it seem like a joke."

"I was scared, Josh," CJ whispered, and the emotion of the last two weeks crashed over her head- even the impressive, steely emotional reserves of Claudia Jean Cregg couldn't handle the feelings that flooded over her. Tears pricked her eyes and she turned her head away from Josh, knees curling up towards her chest as she let out a ragged sob, feeling the warm liquid begin to trickle down her cheeks. _Damn it_, she hadn't wanted to do this in front of Josh.

His arms were warm and strong as they wrapped around her, and she turned into his chest before she'd thought about it, burying her nose in his neck and inhaling. He smelled like sleep and sweat and that stupid, bland hospital soap, but underneath he smelled like Josh- he smelled like home.

Then she remembered his wound and tried to move away; he wouldn't let her. He kept her in his embrace, one hand slipping behind her head and easing her back against him, shushing her quietly and leaving kisses in her hair, letting her cry against his chest. Eventually she controlled herself and pulled back, reaching to the bedside table on her side and grabbing a few tissues, blowing her nose and wiping away the rest of her tears, aware of Josh's eyes on her.

"I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"Don't apologize, CJ," Josh interrupted, shaking his head and tugging her closer gently, his nose brushing hers lightly as she hovered an inch or two away from his face, their eyes meeting. "I know you were scared, and I'm sorry that you had to be."

Their eyes searched each other's for a few moments and they didn't speak; they didn't need to. Silent had always been their best form of communication, and now was no different. Josh pulled her closer still and their lips met, soft and sweet and gentle; the kind of kiss they needed right now.

CJ broke it and pressed her forehead against his, catching her breath and relishing the feel of him against her. Josh's lips pressed against her temple, his hand squeezing her side lightly.

"I'm just really glad you're okay now," she whispered, her tone surprisingly ragged, even to her. Josh swallowed, and she exhaled.

"Me too," he murmured, his cheek touching hers. "Me too."

* * *

"Josh it's been less than _two weeks_ will you please sit down and let me do this?" CJ asked, not quite begging, but close. Josh shook his head, brow furrowed in concentration as he tugged his shoes on, and CJ could see that he was holding his breath. "Josh, why are you fixated on getting the mail yourself? It's the mail, for crying out loud!"

"CJ, can you please just let me do this?" Josh asked, letting out a quiet sigh. CJ stared at him for a moment, lips parting slightly.

"_Let you do this_?" she asked, anger suddenly flaring in her stomach. "You were struck with hot, molten metal meant to _kill_ less than three and a half weeks ago, Joshua Lyman, and you are pitching a fight about getting the mail? I swear to god, you're dumber than a brick and I don't understand why I love you even half as much as I do sometimes. There will still be mail in two weeks when your stitches are out and you're chances of bleeding are significantly less. Why can't you just _wait?_"

She stopped, chest heaving, finding him staring at her.

"You look sexy when you lecture me, I ever tell you that?" Josh asked, eyes watching her mouth as she parted her lips to reprimand him, though her mouth went dry at the darkening of his irises.

"Josh-"

"Shut up and kiss me," he said, cutting her off. She swallowed, a war waging inside her; god she wanted to, but she didn't want to hurt him. "CJ, kissing me isn't going to make me instantaneously bleed. I think we'll be okay."

Still she lingered, until he leaned over and tugged her hand, bringing her down onto the bed and pulling her mouth to his, covering her mouth with his. She relented almost instantly; god she missed kissing him. She missed his mouth and his tongue and the way he nibbled at her bottom lip. His hand was in her hair and he was so warm and she let herself melt against him a little bit, sighing into the kiss.

He broke it slowly, pressing his forehead against hers.

"See? Wasn't so bad," he whispered, and she couldn't help but laugh- a real, full laugh, the first one in ages. Josh grinned at the sound, kissing the top of her head. "I missed that sound. Don't let it go away again, CJ. Please."

CJ promised she wouldn't.

* * *

CJ came home from work a week later to find Josh waiting for her, standing in the front hallway with his arms folded. She set her things down, sighing quietly before opening her mouth.

"You have a _bullet wound_ you idiot, what are you doing out of-"

Josh cut CJ's rant off with his mouth, tugging at her hips as he pressed her into the nearest wall. She sighed into his mouth, hands wrapping around his shoulders and relishing the contact of his body against hers again. He tasted like fruit punch Gatorade and CJ let her tongue wrap around his, whinging low in her throat when his hand traveled around her hip to pull her more against him.

His thumbs slid under her shirt and circled around her hipbones, applying light pressure as she gasped into his mouth, teeth sinking into his lower lip. He groaned into the kiss, the sound vibrating through her, and she moaned, letting him press her further into the wall. He was everywhere all at once; his mouth moved down her neck as his hands slid her shirt up, and before she really knew what was happening he'd tugged it over her head and his hands were cupping her breasts, thumbs brushing over the skin just above the cups of her bra.

She swallowed and let her head tilt back until it thudded against the wall, hips pressing into his desperately. It had been almost a month and just _too long_, and he was there, pressing against her, and she didn't know if she had the will to fight this. It was too soon, he'd hurt himself- he shifted his hips and brushed against her clit through her jeans and she was gone, too far past caring to even try.

"Josh-"

His mouth met hers again and his fingers undid her jeans, clearly confident that he was going to get his way- and she'd already admitted to herself that he would, so she barely protested when he tugged the denim down her legs, not even caring that she was clad in only a plain pair of black panties to match her cotton t-shirt bra.

"God you're gorgeous," Josh murmured against her collarbone, hands running reverently down her bare sides, tugging at the elastic of her underwear. She bit her lip against the moan as he slid a hand inside, fingers making their way to a well-known destination. She parted her thighs further as her hands shoved his sweatpants down, heat pooling in her stomach when she discovered he'd forgone boxers.

His fingers pulled her panties down her long legs and grasped her right leg, tugging it up around his waist, pressing in against her. CJ gasped against his ear, shutting her eyes tightly as he shifted his hips and pushed inside her; she bit his shoulder through his t-shirt and reveled at the feeling of him inside her again- he pulled out and pushed back in and she felt dizzy, the sensations overwhelming after so long without them.

His pace was steady, slower than usual, and CJ was almost frustrated with his patience; she felt full and tight and overwhelmed, and she just wanted him to move, to move hard, to push her over the edge. He seemed to sense her frustration; the hand not grasping her thigh slid between her legs as his teeth tugged her lower lip into his mouth, and he pressed against her clit as he bit her lip, the combination of the two drawing his name from her throat in a ragged cry as he shifted his hips, his strokes becoming faster and closer together, hard and hot and fast and god he smelled so good and felt so good and CJ felt the pressure building inside of her from the friction and she was so-

"Josh, I'm-"

He was kissing her before she could finish her sentence because he knew, and he was there when she was dragged over, spilling inside her before leaning into her, pushing them both into the wall. It was a miracle they stayed upright; CJ's gangly limbs were wrapped around Josh's and his sweaty forehead was pressed against her shoulder, his mouth panting hot air onto her neck.

They caught their breath and CJ pressed her mouth to his temple, letting him pull out of her, though she sighed quietly, already missing the feel of him inside her. She cupped the back of his neck, kissing him once more before falling back into the role of annoyed girlfriend.

"How's the bullet wound?" CJ asked, veiled annoyance in her voice. Josh had the good grace to look sheepish, fingers skimming her hip bone.

"Hearing you moan my name is worth the pain."

"Josh-" CJ started, but Josh cut her off with another kiss, nipping at her bottom lip.

"I'm fine, CJ. I'm not bleeding, I feel good, and you look like you feel pretty damn good too," he said, and she blushed, crinkling her nose slightly. "See? There's my girl."

CJ rolled her eyes, though her stomach warmed at the sight of him acting like the Josh she'd fallen in love with all those months ago. She let Josh drag her to the bedroom, where they fell under the covers, re-memorizing each other's bodies, this time slowly and to the background noise of crinkling sheets and quiet, breathy gasps on CJ's part, and low, encouraging words on Josh's part.

A long while later, CJ slipped out of bed and grabbed the pajama top off the floor, doing one button and going back out into the hallway to grab their clothes from earlier, and grab something small they could eat in the bed. Selecting some Chinese take-out from the fridge and two beers CJ padded back into the bedroom, finding Josh stirring. She watched him for a few moments before setting the food on the nightstand, throwing all the clothes into the hamper.

"You bought these pajamas for me with the intention of wearing them yourself, didn't you?" Josh asked, sheets pooling at his waist as he watched her walk around his bedroom. CJ sent him a smirk, looking at him over her shoulder, still bent over to pick up the clothes, the single button she'd done almost coming out of its hole and the hem riding up dangerously high on her thighs.

"I didn't think you'd mind," she replied, and he swallowed, drawing the sheets a little closer to his lap. She grinned, straightening up and grabbing the food, handing him a container. He opened it and his eyes widened in delete when he discovered his favorite; his eyes met hers and she returned his gaze warmly, handing him one of the beers.

They ate quietly, her legs over his lap and their backs against the headboard. Josh made her laugh and CJ reveled in how easy it all felt again. His fingers played against her knee, and pressed her lips to her shoulder, smiling into his t-shirt.

"I love you," he murmured into her hair, and she repeated the sentiment, curling her body around his; his body that was whole and healthy and sturdy again. He reached over and shut the light off, drawing the covers up over them and curling her into him, pressing kisses all over her skin.

He fell asleep first, and she listened to him breath, felt the rise and fall of his chest against her cheek. She smiled into his shirt, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.

And in the quiet, she exhaled.


End file.
